In defense of iceberg

We love iceberg salad, by the way, and make no apologies for it. And what's a crunchy taco, without shredded iceberg lettuce on top?  It's been iceberg heaven around here this month--  Safeway gave me an unlimited JustForYou coupon 80 cents a head.

Here's a lettuce poem from Garrison Keillor's anthology, "Good Poems."

The Iceberg Theory
by Gerald Lockin

all the food critics hate iceberg lettuce
you'd think romaine was descended from
orpheus's laurel wreath
you'd think raw spinach had all the nutritional
benefits attributed to it by popeye,
not to mention aesthetic subtleties worthy of
verlain and debussy.
they'll even salivate over chopped red cabbage
just to disparage poor old mr. iceberg lettuce.

I guess the problem is
it's just too common for them
it doesn't matter that it tastes good
has a satisfying crunchy texture,
holds its freshness
and has crevices for the dressing,
whereas the darker, leafier varieties
are often bitter, gritty and flat.
it just isn't different enough, and
it's too damn american.

of course a critic has to criticize:
a critic has to have something to say
perhaps that's why literary critics
purport to find interesting
so much contemporary poetry
that just bores the shit out of me.

at any rate, I really enjoy a salad
with plenty of chunky iceberg lettuce,
the more the merrier,
drenched in an italian or roquefort dressing.
And the poems I enjoy are those I don't have
to pretend I'm enjoying.