A safe space

The chambered Nautilus is a living fossil that has survived in the Earth's oceans for 500 million years. The chambers spiral from the center outward, just like our own DNA and the cosmos we live in. 

The spiral is the symbol for the philosophy of Hospice.

The spiraled shell invites us to consider the unfolding mysteries of life...this living creature that shows us how to survive by diving deep and still keep ourselves light enough to come to the surface to meet what is in front of us. I believe that the human experience, like the nautilus shell, is an ever-growing spiral that allows us to build on our past experiences in order to meet and learn from the demands of the present moment.

(From Somanautiko website)

I'm halfway through the online volunteer training course.  Each module takes about an hour to complete, and then there's a quiz and additional videos and links to explore later. Yes, it is heavy stuff, but presented in a matter-of-fact way that is not really depressing. But it does slow you down to confront your feelings and fears about suffering and death.

The last module I did was about communication, specifically creating a "safe space" for with the dying person and their family to express whatever they are feeling. That means listening much, much more than you speak.  Listening without judgement or giving advice, interrupting, or interjecting your personal experiences and beliefs.

Most of all, safe space means resisting the urge to try and "fix" things for those who are suffering. Even if you could, it is simply not your role as a volunteer. 

When I was a manager at Microsoft, I was rewarded handsomely for fixing things-- processes, contracts, workflow, etc. It was my job. And not just fixing things, but sometimes breaking them first in order to make them "better." 

In 10 years at Microsoft, I lost track of how many disruptive reorgs we soldiered through in the Information Services Department. Of course, this is the nature of high tech companies in general. Otherwise we would still be running Word 1.0. Ha!

But relationships are a different story. If we control our natural tendency to try and fix things for others, it's a big relief all around.

Remember that wonderful old saying?  "Resign your job as Manager of the Universe."