A clean slate

Riding Sizzle at Rosebud River Ranch...

It seems incredible that Sizzle has been gone for almost 5 months. Time is funny, because sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. In other ways, it's hard to believe I ever owned a horse. Did I really do those things once? Sadness is like living in a fog. Sure, you can stumble along -- but at some point you have to walk back into the light and try again. Our feelings (eventually) follow our actions, not the other way around. So they say.

Horses are honest teachers because they make us face our fears and weaknesses. I'm not an especially brave or patient person, but Sizzle challenged me to be calm and strong. Our bargain was simple: I was the leader and she would be as brave as I was. She knew instantly when I was faking, but when I had to trust her she never let me down. She had a wonderful intelligence and a big personality. And I'm still learning from Sizzle. Now the hard lesson is about loss and change and not giving up.

But where to start? Years ago, we spent happy times at Rosebud River Ranch. Owning Sizzle brought some wonderful friends into my life, and yesterday I was back out at the barn in Snoqualmie talking with some of them. Watching the horses and owners working and having fun in a familiar, rainy place. Just hanging around and making myself popular with a bag of apples. An old friend generously offered her sweet horse "Spanky" to me for a riding lesson, and next Thursday I'll be getting on a horse again for the first time in many months. Thank you, Dolly and Jen. Maybe the beginning is the best place to start over...